Devion's Views #266

IT'S ALL ABOUT...TIME (Posted May 25, 2023)

PART ONE - Ageing 

According to a recent poll reported by The Wall Street Journal, there's a typical age when most Americans start feeling like their youth is...slipping away.

It may surprise many, it's 42.

There may be an average age that youth fades, but what ageing feels like is unique to every person.

For some, the slide into 40 merely confirms a sense they've had for awhile that they're growing older.

Others stay in denial about the approach of middle age until they experience a jolt of reality - sometimes a health scare, sometimes comments from younger colleagues.

The oldest members of the "millennial generation" are reaching their early 40's and experiencing this very phenomenon.

There's a gap between the age when Americans stop feeling young - 42 - and the age they start feeling old, which is 52.

The silver lining: There's a great deal to celebrate about getting "older":

Happiness actually spikes in our '70's.

Many reach "Big Life Milestones" in those later years that makes feeling young and feeling old much more fluid.

                                                      PART TWO - Ageism

Humans have a propensity to classify and categorize everything.

Psychologists suggest it's to help our brain store and sort out an incredible amount of information.

Example: As we travel along life's potholed highway, labels are used to describe the various stages/passages of the journey; however long or short it may be.

It's sometimes called "The Cycle of Life" or more aptly "From Diapers to Depends":

Newborn, baby, child, kid, youngster, teen, young adult, adult, senior, elder, geezer, old fart, old gas bag, old crock and finally............??????

(Peggy Lee sang these words in 1969 "If that's all there is my friends, let's keep on dancing") 

All of these descriptor-labels are generally accepted as inoffensive terms of endearment.

However, when someone uses the term "ancient" to describe the oldest of (us) folks, a red-line is crossed into terminology territory that borders on an offensive insult.

We, of the oldest cohort, having paid our dues, deserve, nay demand, respect.

Monsieur Ronald, you appear to be in a state of agitated discombobulation.

Has somebody, per chance, suggested you are...Umm...Ahh...Oh! Oh!..."ancient"?

Oui, and in a backhanded way on our Public Broadcaster no less!

Sacre-Bleu, incroyable; on the public airwaves of holy moly Mother Corps???

Yep! And it felt like a slap across the face with an empty glove, or more aptly, being struck in the cojones region of my anatomy.


Golly, Gee, Mr. D., when did this happen?

The dastardly deed occurred on the May 7 "Sunday Morning" CBC Radio show, during a 15-minute interview segment with Ms. A.M., former Managing Editor of CBC's London bureau and longtime Royals correspondent.

The guest, Ms A.M. (77), was colourfully describing her observations of the ostentatious, grandiose show of British pomp and pageantry (cast of thousands), i.e. the May 6 enthronement of King Chucky III (74) and his bride #2, Queen Consort Camellia (75)...or as they fondly call each other, "Fred and Gladys".

NB: Chucky's facial expression during much of the ceremony suggested he was being dragged to the guillotine by Sir Sean Connery (007), with the full support of my maternal ancestors (MacDonald's of the Clan Ranald).

When the host asked Ms. A.M. about Chucky's slimmed down working-royals coterie, she cheekily referred to Princess Alexandra (86) The Honourable Lady Ogilvy, Prince Edward (87) The Duke of Kent, and Prince Richard (78) The Duke of Gloucester, as "a couple of ancient cousins".

Hearing "ANCIENT" - as in antiquated, archaic, antique, obsolete - left me stunned and aggrieved.

Monsieur why did hearing that particular "word" affect you so profoundly?  

Because, mon ami, and this may come as a shock, Edward and Ronald are the same age.

To label us "ancient" is an egregious ageism-slur. To label one is to label all!

When one's honour is besmirched, throw down the gauntlet. Satisfaction is demanded. A duel is called for.

                                         THE ANATOMY OF A DUEL - An Affair of Honour

In a typical duel, each participant, known as a principal, acted through a trusted representative called a second. It was a second's initial responsibility to try for a reconciliation without violence. However, if that failed, the offended party demanded a duel. 

                                                The Duel at Kensington Palace

Conveniently, both principals reside in London.

Prince Edward will represent and defend the honour of "Old Farts" everywhere.

Venue: The grounds of Kensington Palace where the Duke and Duchess of Kent live at Wren House.

When: August 28 - UK Summer Bank Holiday.

Time: Early afternoon. The Contest must be concluded prior to nap-time and before tea-time.

Weapons: Red, White and Blue coloured 'Beach-Ball' sized Balls. (i.e. large and soft)

Equipment: Protective head gear + clear plastic face shields mandatory. (no sharp or pointy ends).

Motorized scooters, motorized walkers, motorized wheel chairs, strictly prohibited.

Rules: The principals (Ms. A.M. & Edward) will face each other at a distance of between 10 and 20 paces, for five 60-second rounds.

Whenever the Duke hits Ms. A.M. with his balls, and vice versa, one point will be awarded. (That awkward sentence should probably be reworked).

To allow time for the seconds to resuscitate/revive their principal, a rest-and-recovery period of 10 minutes will follow each 60-second round.

In the event either/neither combatant shows up, the contest will be declared a draw. The 'no-show' will be labelled "Poltroons", forevermore.

                               QUESTION DU JOUR - ARE THESE OLDSTERS ANCIENT?

There may be some who agree with Ms. A.M.'s labelling of older folk as being "ancient".

That would suggest they also believe the following (examples) are/were antiquated, antique, archaic, obsolete.

On Saturday May 6, 2023, another significant event took place at an arena in Omaha, Nebraska that drew the attention of a large television audience.

It featured two really old guys - Warren Buffet (92) and Charlie Munger (99).

Sitting side by side (without notes) for five hours, the oracles told stories, doled out advice, guidance, wisdom and values they have held fast, during an extraordinary 58-year-long relationship at the helm of Berkshire Hathaway Inc. They answered more than 60 questions from audience members and those watching on television.

(Google YouTube: 'Berkshire Hathaway 2023 Annual Shareholders Meeting' - you won't be disappointed.) 

US President Joe Biden (80).

Winston Churchill (80) when he retired as British Prime Minister.

Golda Meir (75) when she retired as Prime Minister of Israel.

Comedian George Burns (99) when he stopped performing.

Enough said?

                                          PART THREE - Never piss-off old people

Fact: In Canada, the 65+ cohort is growing six times faster than the cohort 15 and younger.

A rapidly growing legion of citizens (Seniors, Elders, Geezers, Old Farts, Old Crocks, Et al) who live in every nook and cranny of this great land.

A cohort that quickly gets crotchety, frustrated, and angry when ignored.

Provoke us and we will storm the "Bastille's of Power".

Were you frightened by the Freedom Convoy protesters last year?

Rest assured, you haven't witnessed "scary" until confronted by platoons of marching "Raging Grannies" and their male counterparts descending upon your headquarters.

Note to municipal, provincial and federal politicians: Piss us off at your peril. WE VOTE.

                                      PART FOUR - Laughing can make you live longer

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her."

"I see people around my age mountain climbing. I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance."

"Once you reach a certain age you become unimpressed with a lot of shit."

105-year-old Lady's advice:

"For better digestion, I drink beer,

In case of appetite loss, I drink white wine,

In case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine,

In case of high blood pressure, I drink scotch,

When I get a cold, I drink Schnapps.

When do you drink water?

I've never been that sick!"

Methinks this centenarian's intoxicating pearls of wisdom are worthy of a toast.

"Cheers, Sante!"

                                                        THE FINAL PART

Monsieur Ronald, eighty seven (87) today - and no longer impressed with a lot of shit.

Older, yes. Specifically, smack dab in the middle of the "depends" stage of my journey.

It's perfectly OK (now) to refer to old Ronald as the 'Old Geezer', the 'Old Crock'; whatever term of endearment you deem appropriate to select from the aforementioned list.

However, should a "Freudian slip of the tongue" occur that causes you to (ever) refer to Monsieur R as "ANCIENT" (i.e. antiquated, antique, archaic, obsolete) anticipate receiving a strongly worded note from his second declaring..."BEACHBALLS AT DAWN!"  

Umm, no that's a tad early for this ageing "Old Fart". Let's make it after lunch and before nap-time.

Until we meet again...A la prochaine.  

Ron Devion, No Guts, No Glory