STATIONBREAK.CA

Devion's Views #182

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER  (posted April 23, 2019)

Said an extraterrestrial alien (who has just landed on Earth in a spacecraft) to the first human it happens to meet.

"At this terrible time, it is my job to make you feel safe" - The President - addressing the NRA in 2018.

Question:

How many Trumps does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer:

Four - one to hold the light bulb and three to turn the ladder. However, they must pause until Emperor 'Crazy Pants' receives instructions from Vlad about which way to turn the ladder.

AND ELSEWHERE ON THE CONTINENT...

Question:

How many Publicani (think Greek) does it take to build a pipeline?

a) Short answer:

None, because they are incapable.

b) Quick answer:

Anyone who works in the mind-numbing slow grind of national/provincial/aboriginal/environmental politics will know there is no such thing as a quick answer.

c) Long answer:

A project the size of building a pipeline in Canada's contemporary confederated conflagration, requires the following legislated steps:

1) Approval - followed by consultation, 2) Costing - and consultation, 3) Planning - more detailed consultation, 4) Procurement - more intricate consultation, 5) Health and safety - much more specific consultation and finally -  6) The Self Congratulatory Celebration.

Whoopee, finally...job done!

Hold on a minute, on this side of the longest undefendable border there's not such thing as a "FINALLY".

Tradition dictates an obligatory Royal Commission to investigate why it took so long, called for by those who were against the project from the outset.

That's the Canadian way, n'est-ce-pas?

Dear Ronald, surely you jest?

Nope, nope and nope!

Your humble scribe rarely jests about stuff that requires bold, decisive leadership. Big stuff that's in the national interest.

Let's take a minute to review the progress (giggle) of a project that would/could/should/might benefit every single citizen born in 2015.

                                                                     THE ONE MINUTE REVIEW

More than six decades ago, a pipeline was built by private enterprise to transport black-gold West from Edmonton to tidewater...wihout much controversy.

In 2016, the federal cabinet approved twinning the aging 'Trans Mountain' pipeline, adjacent to and along the very same approved route...and all hell broke loose.

Hell (in this case) is the 'Internecine Flapdoodle' that resulted triggering countless meetings, endless consultations and legal wrangling...costing defenceless taxpayers millions.

To date, No progress, repeat Zero progress (giggle gone) has been made on expanding pipeline capacity West to tidewater that would generate billions to meet the dire needs of the nation.

That's the Canadian way, n'est-ce-pas?

So what happened next?

Well, in 2018, the Feds surprised the nation by purchasing the existing pipeline, paying private enterprise $4.5 billion ($ they haven't yet collected from the overtaxed) and without providing any published cost/benefit case for doing that.

By the way, that doesn't include the estimated $7.8 billion to build the new pipeline.

Geez, that's risky as hell isn't it? Where's the risk when it's not your money you're gambling with?

Instead, those who govern us explained their multi-billion dollar surprise this way, "everybody knows it's in the national interest", while blissfully ignoring a "minor" impedement...the aformentioned glacial 'Internecine Flapdoodle'.

The "expected" celebratory moment (apparently the Feds anticipated a coming together, a joining of hands and Kumbaya singing from the Internecine's) quickly evaporated. The Provinces, First Nations and environmentalists resumed the fight for their own entrenched self-interest with renewed vigour, leaving "national interest" in the proverbial crapper.

That's the Canadian way, n'est-ce-pas?

Then out of the blue, a number of First Nations expressed interest in purchasing 51% of the taxpayer owned pipeline company.

You're kidding, right?

Nope, nope and nope.

Now the overtaxed are really confused, weren't all the First Nations against the pipeline?

And from whose pockets are the billions coming from for that, wonder the overtaxed?

This latest piece of bizarre news created additional confusion, especially amongst the purported 'no-pipeline-ever' allies; the "other" First Nations and environmental groups.

                                                This ends the short version of THE ONE MINUTE REVIEW

Which brings us to observations from the unrepresented taxpayer who pay the bills for this insanity:

Wouldn't a "rational" taxpayer conclude the entrenched Internecine Squabblers will never, ever achieve consensus or "a practical way forward" out of this morass?

Wouldn't a "rational" taxpayer also conclude the "national interest" is best served by building pipelines from land-locked Alberta West, East and South? Wouldn't the practical result be: to significantly lower the cost to consumers of refined products, increase needed revenue for social programs and stop offshore oil imports from despots?

Might it be possible a prolonged stalemate could fracture our already fragile confederation?

And to top it all off, climatologists deliver the Coup de Gras, handing us a stick of dynamite with a long burning fuse...Canada is warming faster than the rest of the world, with the greatest warming taking place in the Northern regions.

If this was a Monty Python skit John Cleese would yell, "OH SHIT!"

Climate scientists have now delivered a piece of news that has our attention. News that things will dramatically change; redefine coastlines and force humans to higher ground. Focus' the mind n'est-ce-pas?

                                        Therefore dear reader, the time has arrived to do the following...

1) Recite the angler's prayer 3 X daily - "There's hope as long as your fishing line is in the water".

2) In the face of disaster, it's always best to remain stoic, maintain a stiff upper lip and carry on, regardless.

3) Hold hands and join the chorus in singing Eric Idle's famous composition (cue the Kazoo's):

"When you're stuck on the world's stage

With lots of loonies half your age,

And everything is starting to go wrong,

It's too late to run away.

You might as well just stay,

Especially when they play your silly song!...

...ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE"...

And while you're on the bright side consider this, GETTING OLD ISN'T SO BAD...

 - You can drive an electric vehicle, without a licence...on the sidewalk

 - You get to be among the first hostages released

 - "Game of Thrones" means finding one to sit on, in the next 120 seconds

 - As your cruise ship is sinking you're safely aboard a lifeboat with the children and the Italian captain

 - Saying you can't remember is not a lie

 - Your joints are more accurate at predicting the weather than the weather channel

 - You no longer have to spend money on sexy underwear

 - You have less grey hair to count because you have less hair

 - Your secrets are safe because your friends can't remember them either

And always keep in mind, "Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes"

Ron Devion -  No Guts, No Glory